Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
