have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
