so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
