I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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