Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
