Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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