i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
