It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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