the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
