I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Michael Bay diarrhea
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
