the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
