I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
