The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
