i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
