just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
