Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
