Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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