Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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