sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
