I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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