she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
