Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
