i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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