if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
