thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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