I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
