Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
