You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
