my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
