I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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