Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My liver just had a heart attack.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
