On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
