When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
