There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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