you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
