is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
