I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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