Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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