omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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