no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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