dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
