just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
