I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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