Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
