This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
