You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
