this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
