I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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