Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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