my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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