UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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