i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
