I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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