OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
