I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
