why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
