Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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