do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
