Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
