Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
