When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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