Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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